An Autism Mom's Thoughts on Theory of Mind

Wow, it has been over a month since I last posted. I didn't intend to take such a long break. The next couple of months will be pretty busy, but I am going to try to continue writing here. 

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Having a "theory of mind" is being able to understand that another person has a mind of their own and to imagine what another person is likely to be thinking and feeling. Simon Baron-Cohen, a British psychologist, popularized the idea that autistic children lack a theory of mind, to explain why they have such difficulty in perspective taking or appear to lack empathy. The traditional test of theory of mind is the "Sally-Anne test". 

Another possible indication of autism in young children is the failure to point at things to create joint attention. Recognizing joint attention, of course, relies the ability to understand what someone is paying attention to. In Singularity's case, the lack of pointing was one of the early signs that Klailklop recognized. 

The argument for theory of mind seems compelling, and yet we hear from autistic people themselves that at least some of them do have theory of mind. Here is Ido Kedar, in an October 31, 2012 post on his blog, Ido in Autismland:

My name is Ido.  I have autism and I can’t talk. But I can think. I have ideas and feelings and even a theory of mind. Why I have to say this is obvious. Many theories I have encountered teach that I have no ideas, feelings, or theory of mind. Until I could communicate I couldn’t correct people, but now I can. 

In talking with Singularity, I have traditionally tried to explain to him how I am feeling and to link it to the way my face looks when I feel that way, in case he wasn't able to tell. 

In the last few months Singularity has begun saying things that make it clear that he really does have a theory of mind. 

Earlier this month I attended a day-long workshop. At the end of the day Klailklop and Singularity came to pick me up, rather than my carpooling home, so that . . .

. . . we could send every minute possible together after our long separation (my perspective)

. . . they could have an excuse to get out of the house (Klailklop's perspective)

. . . and I don't really know what Singularity thought about it. 

What I do know is that Klailklop was running behind and showing signs of stress and anxiety, and Singularity said to him, "Don't worry." He could tell that Klailklop was worried and had the empathy to wish to make Klailklop feel better. 

More recently, Singularity has been writing and illustrating a book for me. He has told other people what it is about, but he wants it to be a surprise for me  -- theory of mind point to Singularity. He has also been quizzing me about what the book is about. Of course, I have no idea what it is about, so I have been proposing all sorts of weird ideas, some of which are based on his current range of interests:

• You and your friends turn into penguins in Club Penguin and become ninjas
• Stampylongnose (Singularity's favorite Minecraft YouTube video maker) invites you to play Minecraft on the XBox with him
• Timmy Failure, Super Mario and Harry Potter play Minecraft with you
• The sky turns green and starts raining goldfish crackers
• Stampylongnose starts making videos about Club Penguin

And when I made that last guess, Singularity triumphantly said to me, "I thought you would say that!" And there we have it. Another theory of mind point to Singularity. 

I'm not a developmental psychologist, but my own take on this is that perhaps the development of theory of mind is just part of a human being's developmental trajectory. Autistic people have a developmental disability, by definition; they develop along an idiosyncratic trajectory. The important thing here is that they do develop, just not at the same rate or in the same order as most other humans. We already know that Singularity's developmental trajectory has been unusual. I mean, how many people learn to talk at 14 months, walk at 16 months and read at 18 months? 

(I should hasten to mention that perhaps not all autistic people do develop theory of mind. Some autistic people have written about their befuddlement over the way people operate. For example, Temple Grandin likens it to being an "anthropologist on Mars". Donna Williams writes in her memoirs about how she and some loving friends deconstructed confusing situations. John Elder Robison writes about using his intellect to develop heuristics for figuring out what people might be thinking and feeling.)

So, Singularity is showing us that he has theory of mind and empathy. I find this really exciting, and I can't wait to see what other new developments lie ahead!