From October 2012 to March 2013, Singularity would not even speak to Klailklop. And since October 2012, I have been almost solely responsible for getting Singularity through all of his daily routines, with some behind-the-scenes support from Klailklop:
- waking Singularity up
- reading to him in the morning
- making sure that he gets dressed
- brushing his hair (Stop pulling!)
- feeding him breakfast
- dropping him off at school, on time if we're lucky
- picking him up from school
- helping him to do his homework
- participating in his special interests
- feeding him dinner
- helping with bathing
- making sure that he gets into his pajamas,
- hanging out with him during his bedtime snack (and often also participating in his special interests)
- overseeing the nightly toothbrushing ritual (he calls it "teuge", pronounced in the French fashion)
- getting him into bed
- reading to him at bedtime
- taking him to all appointments (occupational therapy and speech)
- taking him to all play dates
- supporting ABA sessions in our home
I guess that the parent of a more typically-developing child this might not sound like such a big deal, but each one of these routine tasks requires all of the creativity and patience I can muster. Singularity is one tricky kid.
If I have had any kind of event where I needed to be away from the house while Singularity and Klailklop have been home together, I have needed to get a babysitter. I have been on a very short leash. At times the burden of responsibility is almost too much for me, but my love for Singularity has helped me to get through it.
It's not as if we haven't made any headway with the situation. Singularity and Klailklop can peacefully coexist for a limited time on their own. They even have things to talk about with each other, and Klailklop is doing a beautiful job of trying to enter Singularity's world. I don't really know anybody else who would, for example, learn the cubes of all the numbers between 1 and 102 or the list of all 52 episodes of Nickelodeon's Wayside School series.
Having Singularity learn to tolerate longer periods of time alone with Klailklop has been one of our ABA goals for a long time, because of course it is not reasonable or fair to me that only one of his parents can effectively act as a caregiver. Toward that end, Klailklop and our behavioral interventionist have been picking Singularity up at school for the past few months.
I'm never there to observe, but I'm told that things look kind of up and down to the outside observer. There was a short period in November where Singularity could follow the 3 rules: 1) Keep all body parts to yourself (i.e., no hitting, kicking, or biting); 2) Stay with the group; 3) Only say nice things. But lately he hasn't been able to do so, even when offered a very powerful reinforcer for doing it.
What I know firsthand is that there has been a steady crescendo in the intensity of Singularity's complaints about these pick-ups. And this week, it just got to be too much for me. I let the ABA team do the pickup with Klailklop one more time, with our program supervisor observing from a distance. There was hitting and running away from the group.
Yesterday I told our program supervisor that this isn't working for me. WE NEED TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I can't stand this any more. My child is trying to tell me something, but the ABA team has done nothing but divert him when he starts talking about it. I am not willing to tune him out when he is trying to communicate his needs to me.
I am listening, Singularity. Please help me to understand.
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Has anyone out there in the blogosphere gone through a similar situation? Are things better for you now? If so, how did you turn things around? I would love to hear from you.
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Many thanks,
Amelia