Finding Common Ground

"Did you see me swimming?" squeaked Roo excitedly, while Kanga scolded him and rubbed him down. "Pooh, did you see me swimming? That's called swimming, what I was doing. Rabbit, did you see what I was doing? Swimming. Hallo, Piglet! I say, Piglet! What do you think I was doing! Swimming!"

Most Wednesdays over the school year that recently ended, Dmitri has participated in a portion of Singularity's ABA session. I've written previously ("The Perils of Perseveration") about the way that Dmitri had become stuck on something and matters escalated. 

A while ago, we had a pretty a wild session. Present were Singularity, me, the ABA therapist, Dmitri, Dmitri's mom, Alfred, and Alfred's mom, and then later Dmitri's little brother. It was a lot to keep under control, and it was quite fun in its own way. 

On the bike ride that 6 of us went on, Dmitri understood that most of us didn't want to discuss the TV shows he most likes to talk about, so he tried to find other things that we had in common. He arrived at Winnie the Pooh. Now, I love Winnie the Pooh. I love his gentleness, his innocence, his big heart. 

Dmitri wanted to talk about advanced literary concepts such as whether Rabbit acts a foil to the other characters. As Dmitri tends to perseverate, talking with him about any chosen topic can eventually become a bit trying, but I believe that whenever Dmitri finds himself staring at another person across a conversational abyss, he tries to build a bridge of a shared text or film or television show that can be discussed and analyzed. This is his social strategy, just as it is for many neurotypicals when beginning to get to know someone better.

Quite a lot can be learned about a person and their values from their opinions about different characters in a story. If I love the character of Baby Roo, it could mean that I love his inquisitiveness and joie de vivre; he just does things that the rest of us find difficult, because he doesn't "know any better". ("Did you see me swimming?") If I feel sympathy for Piglet, perhaps I have felt fear and had to courageously overcome it. If I enjoy Tigger, even as he is annoying Rabbit, perhaps I have felt boisterous and loved feeling that way. 

I am not sure what Dmitri has learned about me, but I have come to see Dmitri's getting stuck on a text not just as his coping strategy, but also as his attempt to connect to others in a real and deep way.