Overstimulation, Dysregulation, and Behavior (Or, How to Set Your Child Up to Fall Apart at a Birthday Party)

Yesterday was Edison's birthday party. He turned 11 last week. Yay, Edison! The party had the theme of Despicable Me 2 and the evil minions. They were on the cake, and there was an evil minion pinata. Cool. 

I had asked Edison's mom (whom I will call Suzanne) what Edison might like to have as a birthday gift. Edison is pretty familiar with all of the stuff that we have at our house, since he has been coming here almost every Tuesday to participate in Singularity's ABA sessions. So I wasn't surprised that Suzanne mentioned something that we have. I was, however, a bit surprised that she said that Edison really enjoys having conversations using our Chat Pack, a set of cards with questions intended to spark conversation. 

The party was at 3:00, so when 1:45 rolled around I sprang into action and hustled Singularity into the car. And off to Games of Berkeley we went.

If you are of a geeky bent and live in the East Bay, you must go to this store! They have games for all ages, including board games, fantasy games, brain teaser games, etc. While we were there, Singularity found a Super Mario chess set, which he wanted. This is a kid who almost never expresses a desire to buy something, so that was a keeper for us. I cannot tell you how much our family loves this store. 

Anyway, off to Games of Berkeley we went. But there was one little potential problem. I had forgotten Singularity's sound-reducing headphones. We have been working with Singularity to be more aware of when he actually needs the headphones vs. when he feels uncomfortable and uses them as his go-to comfort object. We have made some progress, and Singularity now usually can tolerate riding in the car without the headphones. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that we didn't have the headphones until I was parking. 

Games of Berkeley is right smack in the middle of noisy downtown Berkeley. I asked Singularity if he thought that he would be all right without the headphones and if he could use his hands to cover his ears. And he agreed!

This might not seem like a big deal for a typical child, but for Singularity it really is. He was being flexible about going into a situation that he knew was likely to be stressful, and he was being a really good sport about it. We completed our mission. The store didn't have the Chat Pack, but they did have another brand of question cards, the Ungame. 

After a quick stop at home to wrap the present and grab the headphones, we were on our way to Edison's house. We were a tiny bit late, so the art activity was already in progress when we arrived. Singularity went around and greeted everyone in his own way, and then we both sat down and decorated our glass bottles. Next on the agenda were the pinata and the silly string battle. At this point, Singularity disappeared into the house. Both of these activities were too overwhelming for him, so he hung out in Edison's room for a while, and I sat in the living room talking to another autism mom friend. 

Do you remember how, in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Mad Eye Moody always talks about how you have to exercise "constant vigilance"? Well, I failed to do so. 

And so we discovered that Singularity had spat on the birthday cake. Sigh. 

Suzanne was very understanding, and the other party goers just wanted to know why Singularity would do such a thing. I tried to explain that Singularity must be feeling overwhelmed, and behavior like this is his way of telling us that we need to remove him from the situation he isn't able to tolerate. And so we left. 

Well, I think that there is more to the story about being overwhelmed. We need to do some serious work on not doing behaviors that are so offensive to others. I don't think that he has a sense of most people's revulsion to bodily fluids and germs. 

Also, we have made a lot of progress in helping Singularity to let us know when he needs a break from whatever is going on, but skill just wasn't available to him yesterday. And so we continue to work on that skill as well. 

And the biggest thing I take away from this experience is that it is a REALLY BAD idea to shunt Singularity from one stressful experience to another. Of course I knew this already but obviously need a reminder.